Sunday, June 3rd

Husband: I don't remember that we ever used clumping cat litter
Me: Well that was 6 years ago, so I don't expect YOU to remember. You have a major case of CRS
Husband: CRS?
Me: 'Can't Remember Shit'
Husband: I used to have a better memory...
Me: Yes, but you can't remember when.

Tuesday, April 10th

Me: I pick on you a lot.
Husband: Yes, you do.
Me: Well at least I'm aware of it.
Husband: And yet you continue.
Me: And yet you keep annoying me.

Friday, February 2nd

Me: And now I have hiccups!
Husband: ---
Me: Wow, I can't even remember the last time I had hiccups.
Husband: Well, enjoy them.
Me: ---

Thursday, July 27th

Me: You always read the front section of the paper, I rarely do. You should just fill me in on what's going on. What are you reading?
Husband: An article on the Russian sanctions.
Me: Oh?, And what's the story?
Husband: Trump is an asshole
Me: Oh *sigh* I get the same thing in the Style section.

Saturday, April 22nd

Husband: You're sweating...
Me: Yes, I've been scrubbing at that floor for an hour, it's hard work. I'm tired.
Husband: Used a lot of elbow grease, huh?
Me: Yes, when I clean I put some effort and muscle into it, not like some people I could name who just pat at the dirt.
Husband: Who me? I'm just very gentle.
Me: And the dirt is very grateful for the massage, so much so that it stays right where it is.

Tuesday, March 14th

Husband: Why are you rinsing out the milk container? Just screw the top back on and toss it in the trash.
Me: Barbarian! You always rinse out the empty milk container before tossing it.
Husband: But if you the screw the top back on it won't smell.
Me: Yes it will. And it doesn't matter. You always rinse the empty milk container. What's that saying "I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why I am right" or "I'm not arguing with you, I'm just explaining why you're wrong" - either way it works.
Husband: You always explain things so cogently...
Me: Yes - the explanation is always - "Because I say so.."

Thursday, February 23rd

Me: Here's your sandwich - what kind did you get?
Husband: Ham and cheese..
Me: How pedestrian...
(Husband unwraps sandwich)
Me: Eww - Orange cheese. There is no cow that gives orange milk, therefore there is no such thing as orange cheese.