Thursday, December 1st

Husband: If you hate this store so much why don't we go to another one. The Giant on Washington Street is a nice big store.
Me: And Giant prices are, well giant. And they don't do fresh sandwiches, and they don't carry Boars Head cold cuts. They don't carry any of the items we buy.
Husband: But you are always complaining about Harris Teeter, and they don't carry a lot of what we want.
Me: So - change from a store that carries some of the items we buy to a store that carries NONE of the items that we buy? This makes sense? How?
Husband: ------

Thursday, September 22nd

Me: Coke is on sale again this week - buy one, get one free
Husband: I don't need any.
Me: Just letting you know, I don't keep track of it.
Husband: I still have 10 packs in the closet and two in...
Me: Just letting you know, I don't want to have a conversation about it.
Husband: So coke is on sale this week?
Me: Yeah, buy one, get one free...

Sunday, June 19th

Husband: (after phone call from middle child) I can't remember the new kid's name!
Me: Amun - like the Egyptian god...
Husband: It's a stupid name.
Me: Well, she makes coffee for a living and her husband herds sheep - if they're happy...It's a good thing you never had expectations for your kids.
Husband: Expectations for my kids? I never had expectations for
Me & Husband simultaneously: Yourself/myself!
Husband: And I still don't.
Me: Well then at least you've never been disappointed or ever will be.

Sunday, May 29th

Me: Are you keeping this invitation to the balalaika concert?
Husband: No, you can throw it away. I emailed Lisa that we probably won't be going.
Me: I can enjoy a balalaika song or two but a whole balalaika Russian folk music concert?  Nah, I don't think so.
Husband: Well you can't really tell someone that. Or tell them that you only go to the grocery, the library and Target every once in awhile. We're just stay-at-home people.
Me: No, YOU'RE just stay at home people.
Husband: I know, I know - You've got nowhere to go and no way to get there.
Me: I've got where to go, just no way to get there. Get it right.

Friday, May 13th

Me: These plastic trays your mac 'n cheese come in are very sturdy. They could easily be re-used.
Husband: Then you should start saving them.
Me: I don't think so. I have no use for them.
Husband: So what. We could become hoarders.
Me: I don't think that will ever happen.
Husband: I know - you are more like the anti-hoarder.
Me: Is that like being the anti-Christ?
Husband: Only to a hoarder!

Thursday, March 24th

Me: Would you please walk in a straight line, you keep knocking into me.
Husband: I can't walk in a straight line.
Me: Why?
Husband: I'm old, I lurch.
Me: And you even look a bit like him...
Husband: Yeah, I kinda do, don't I.

Sunday, January 17th

Husband: Will you bring me a cigarette and the ashtray - like a loving wife?
Me: You mean like an indentured servant!
Husband: Or as you say - make the little Italian kid do it.